Serendipity?

Had another difficult, crazy day.  Went to a funeral for a 19 year old kid that took his own life.  The church was standing room only and full of people of all ages.  Lots of incredibly mixed feelings about all of it...anger, sadness, a sense of desperation for the family and other young people there, a need to try to save all of them, amazement that someone who most likely felt incredibly alone had a church full of people mourning for him and fear that all it takes is one other kid in that room to feel that same way and we could all be brought back to that same little church.  This was not my first time in that church and sadly will probably not be my last.

Before I left school to walk to the 10am funeral, I had an encounter with a difficult co-worker who didn't think it was necessary for so many of our mental health professionals to be out of the building, at a funeral, five minutes away where there were grieving children.  She basically told me that we couldn't all be out of the building and that we couldn't go.  I responded by telling her that it had been discussed at our mental health team meeting 15 minutes prior and that we were going.  This went back and for a few times until she finally said that she was not going to be responsible for covering for any of us at lunch duty or anything else that went on while we were gone.  I said that she didn't need to because we already had people that had volunteered to do so.  She made one last ditch effort at telling me that we all shouldn't leave.  I said "I'm going" and turned around and left.  This is not the first issue between myself and this particular person which is extremely frustrating.  When we got back from the funeral, a funny turn of events took place that, as far as I can tell, will most likely result in a larger discussion about my difficult co-workers stance this morning.  This disagreement could be the drop in the bucket that finally makes it tip....who knows. 

When I got back to my desk, I had an email from my sister that was so touching that it brought tears to my eyes.  The last line of her email was: "...it all just doesn't seem to make sense at the time, it turns out that sometimes it makes a lot of sense, we just haven't gotten far enough in our life to understand it yet."  Word of a wise woman that can fit so many situations right now.....it is just hard to trust in that at times. 

Will this terrible loss and all the aftermath of it make sense at some point?  I sure hope so for all of the people that filled the church today.  Will all of our efforts to fix the difficult situation at work suddenly come to a head because of this one interaction?  I hope so....how ironic if it is the lack of effort on our part that is finally the tipping point for this ongoing situation.

Lastly, I got home today and got a card in the mail from one of my best friends.  This is what is said:  "Freakin'? Friggin'? Frickin'??"  On the inside:  "You can cope with anything if you have a friend and a good "F" word substitute."  Underneath she wrote: "A 2009 study published in NeuroReport says that bad language is good for you.  Psychologists at Keele Uninversity in England found that swearing lessens pain.  So fucking-A!"

Can't make sense of everything nor can we control everything....fuck it.  I knew there was a reason that I cuss like a sailor!

So....my song today is a one of my "feel good" songs from late high school/college.  

Chely Wright
Listenin' to the Radio (1996) - definitely worth listening to! 

He wears a Harley Jacket and a kiss me smile.
Through his steel blue eyes I can see for miles.
He digs big band music and the Rolling Stones.
But we listen country when were all alone.
'Cause it makes me crazy.
It drives me wild.
I like my lovin' country style.

Well, were listenin' to the radio.
Flyin' down the highway.
Feelin' like outlaws.
Wind's goin our way.
Sittin' right beside him.
Hell-bent, holdin' on.
Flippin' through the stations.
Lookin' for a fast song.
Singin' along with the ones we know.
Listenin' to the radio.

Well, we stop for gas, but not for long.
'Cause that Philco radio keeps us movin' along.
He floors that '66 Mustang, rag top 289.
While I blow him kisses from the passenger side.
'Cause it makes him crazy.
It drives him wild.
He likes his lovin' country style

Well, were listenin' to the radio.
Flyin' down the highway.
Feelin' like outlaws.
Wind's goin our way.
Sittin' right beside him.
Hell-bent, holdin' on.
Flippin' through the stations.
Lookin' for a fast song.
Singin' along with the ones we know.
Listenin' to the radio.

I slide on over when the song slows down.
I give him all my love to throw his arms around.
We're so in love we never touch the ground.
Blastin' through the wind in a wall of sound.

Well, were listenin' to the radio.
Flyin' down the highway.
Feelin' like outlaws.
Wind's goin our way.
Sittin' right beside him.
Hell-bent, holdin' on.
Flippin' through the stations.
Lookin' for a fast song.
Singin' along with the ones we know.
Listenin' to the radio.

Well, were listenin' to the radio.
Flyin' down the highway.
Feelin' like outlaws.
Wind's goin our way.
Sittin' right beside him.
Hell-bent, holdin' on.
Flippin' through the stations.
Lookin' for a fast song.
Singin' along with the ones we know.
Listenin' to the radio.